Halloween Off
by cinbru
Summary: This is set a few months after Night OffNight Off 2. Not a 'Billy' story, but what happened as a result of that infamous night. Happy Halloween, Babes!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Janet owns all these wonderful people.

**Author's note**: Set two months after Night Off/Night Off 2. This is not a 'Billy' fic, but occurred because of the events of that infamous night. Rangeman needs a Halloween off….

**Halloween Off**

Part one

September 18th

"Steph, I need to see you in my office."

"Well, yes sir, Mr. Intercom."

"Babe."

I had just finished a search I had been doing for Rangeman. I was working there part time and part time for Vinnie. Ranger and I had been…well…doing it for the last few months since Joe and I had broken up so that (I found out later) he could be with a stripper. Whatever. I was having Ranger sex. We still hadn't defined our relationship, however, but I doubted this summons to his office was going to rectify that. He sounded a little stern.

I walked down the hall, knocked, and opened the door. Ranger was behind his desk with a large manila envelope sitting front and center. His face was blank.

"Nooner?"

"Babe."

"It was worth a shot."

"I was wondering if you could explain this to me. It was delivered this morning."

I picked up the envelope and peered inside. Hmmm…no bombs. Always a plus. No naked pictures of me or what appeared to be death threats, another plus. I took out the intro letter and burst out laughing. Ranger kept his face blank but I saw a small smile playing about his mouth.

"I can't believe it worked!"

"So I'm assuming you can tell me what this is then?"

"Well, yeah, Ranger. You mean you don't remember? You filled out the application."

Ranger looked momentarily confused which was not something I saw often. It was a beautiful thing.

"Babe, I know for a fact that I would not have applied for this."

"You're right. Sober Ranger wouldn't have applied. But happy Ranger who had been hanging out with Billy and his herbal remedy thought it sounded like…what was the word you used.. a 'hoot'."

Ranger stared at his desk for a moment and I suddenly saw his eyes widen slightly. I almost missed it. He closed his eyes and grimaced.

"I take it Batman remembers?"

"It's beginning to sound familiar. Well, I'll have them contacted to inform them of our cancellation."

"Oh, no. You can't cancel! Lester will be crushed. He brought it up again just yesterday to see if we heard anything. I thought he would have mentioned it to you, too."

Ranger leaned over and pressed his intercom button again. "Chuckles, can you come to my office?"

I grinned and organized the papers. Ranger was smiling lazily at me as he leaned back in his chair. Lester was going to be so excited. He had earned the nickname 'Chuckles' after our infamous night where, at one point, he had laughed for over 10 minutes straight because, as he claimed, his laugh switch was on and he didn't know how to turn it off. It ended with Bobby kicking him hard because apparently the switch was in Lester's ass.

A minute or two later the man himself strode into the office. He glanced at me and I hid a smile. He raised his eyebrows.

"You wanted to see me?" Ranger motioned to me and I handed Lester the envelope.

"What's this?" He swung his eyes to me.

"Open it."

Lester cautiously peered in and took the same inventory I had. He looked relieved as he took out the intro letter. He read quietly for a moment before his face broke out into a huge grin.

"Ahhhhh! You've got to be shitting me!" He yelled. I laughed out loud. Even Ranger smiled. Lester bolted to Ranger's desk and leaned over him to press the intercom.

"Tank! Get your black ass in here!" Ranger was mumbling something. I think I caught "…I get stoned with them one time…lost all authority…"

Tank buzzed back. "No can do, Lester. I have to work, unlike some of us, and set a good example for the new employees. I, solely, uphold the Rangeman values."

"Whatever, bitch. The envelope came! Grab Bobby!"

The intercom remained silent but we heard, faintly from way down in Tank's office, "YES!"

Not 20 seconds later Tank and Bobby burst in Ranger's office. Ranger tossed up his hands and leaned back, closing his eyes.

Bobby had the letter and was reading and laughing.

"Holy Shit" Tank laughed, "This is going to be awesome! I have to call Lula." He whipped out his phone, hit speaker, and pressed speed dial.

"Hey, Mountain Man. Your 12 inches been missin' me already?" All of us except Ranger gaped at Tank.

Ranger shrugged. "I've seen him naked."

Tank didn't even notice. "Guess what, Babydoll! They picked us! We are all going to be on Scariest Places on Earth!"

"Get out!"

"No, Babydoll. I'm dead serious! We just got the letter today!"

"Get out!"

Ranger finally got everyone quiet. Tank still had Lula on speaker.

"Can someone please explain to me what this is and how we got selected in the first place?"

Bobby spoke up. He was the automatic spokesperson whenever something needed to be clarified from that night since he was sober.

"We were at Tank's grilling and Steph and Lula started arguing about which is the better Holiday."

Tank's cell phone spoke up. "And I'm still right! It's Christmas. You got Santa and shit. And food and that mistletoe. And your man can dress up like Santa and get freaky. Oh, yeah and Jesus." We eyed Tank. He had the decency to study his shoe.

"ANYWAY," Bobby continued "Steph was bringing up all the Halloween TV shows that would come on and we all started talking about Scariest Places on Earth." Ranger just stared at him and raised his eyebrows.

"Dude, Ranger." Lester shook his head. "Live a little. You don't remember any of this? It's this show where they take families or groups of friends to the most scary, fucked up places they can find and then make them spend the night there. And they have, like, missions and shit they have to complete. Someone has a breakdown every time! It's awesome! They even got that midget woman from Poltergeist to narrate!"

"No, Lester, it's safe to say I have never watched it. How did we get signed up?"

"Actually, that was you." Bobby smiled. "You decided that Rangeman needed paranormal training to make us a full-service Security operation. You went on-line and filled out the forms for the six of us."

Ranger looked at me and I smiled and nodded. He looked around the room at our smiling faces at looked each of us in the eye one at a time.

"You have to know we aren't really going to do this."

"What the fuck, Batman? You a little chicken?" Apparently Lula was feeling brave over the phone. Ranger stayed silent and stared down the phone.

"Yeah, okay. I might have crossed the line about the chicken."

"Ranger," I tried "This could be good for the company. A lot of people watch the show. We could bring some equipment, complete the missions and not cave like the others and it would be free marketing. Really get your name out there."

"This is not the kind of publicity I want."

"Please!" I wrapped myself around him. This worked once before, not too long ago, and I was hoping for a second success. "Please please please please!"

Ranger held me and closed his eyes. "Alright. Looks like we're going to Massachusetts."

"Massachusetts. What the hell are we going to be doing in Massachusetts?" Tank's cell phone yelled.

"That is where our destination is." Said Ranger calmly. "The abandoned Danvers State Insane Asylum."

"What the fuck! Nobody said anything about no insane asylum! Do I sound like a nut job? Tank! You didn't tell me about no insane asylum! You said we'd be on T.V. and in the dark. I figured we could get freaky when no one was looking! Do you know what kind of shit they have at insane asylums?"

Ranger leaned close and brushed his lips against my ear. "I'm ready for my nooner."

_TBC…if you dare…muh ha ha ha ha!!!_

Danvers State Insane Asylum (for the sake of my fic, we are going to pretend they didn't demolish it a few months ago):


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Janet owns everything.

**Halloween Off**

**Part two**

October 31th

"Babe, wake up. We're going to land in a little bit."

I came awake slowly to the feel of Ranger's lips on my forehead. The best way to wake up. I take that back. The best way to wake up is with his head buried…never mind.

I sat up and glanced around at my friends. Lester and Bobby had their headphones on and Lester was drumming on his tray table. Lula was stretched out with her head on Tank's lap snoring. Tank was reading a Clive Cussler book. He was smiling. He glanced over at Ranger.

"Man, this Dirk Pitt has nothing on us. Half his equipment is outdated." Ranger leaned over to read what Tank was referring to and started chuckling. I rolled my eyes and excused myself to the bathroom.

It was in the middle of the afternoon and there weren't too many people on the plane and no line for the bathroom. I wedged myself in and did my business. I was washing my hands when I heard the lock being picked. You've got to be kidding me. I was drying my hands when Ranger slipped in beside me, his large body taking up every ounce of remaining space so that he was pressed against me.

"Fancy meeting you here." Ranger sense of humor.

"What would you have done if you picked the lock to the wrong bathroom?"

Ranger stayed silent and looked at me with his almost smile. We both knew that would never happen.

"Is this where you ask me if I want to join the Mile High Club?"

Ranger smiled and began pressing hot kisses against my neck. "No."

"No?" He was licking now and I was having trouble focusing.

"I don't need to ask." Ranger was tracing a circle around my nipple through my shirt. I was panting now.

"Aren't we landing soon?"

"We still have about 45 minutes." He unsnapped my pants and I forgot my next protest when he slipped his fingers inside me and wiggled my pants lower with his other hand.

I was a goner. An official bathroom slut. I started thrusting against his fingers, trying to be as quiet as I could and failing.

I felt Ranger's breath against my ear. "Here's how we're going to do this. I want you to turn around and grab onto the back of the toilet." I nodded and protested when he removed his fingers. Ranger had shoved my pants and underwear down to the ground so when I turned around he lifted my shirt over my ass and slipped his fingers back in. His other hand bent me over slightly. He placed my knees on either side of the toilet on the ledges and spread my thighs and then reached around to stroke me. My feet with pants came up and he straddled them so that we fit. I came quickly and before I came down I felt him thrust inside me. I was biting my tongue, pursing my lips, anything I could to make the noises stop, but it was almost impossible when we were in this position. Why I ever avoided it was a mystery. I could feel every inch of him as he slid in and out, thrusting harder and deeper with each stroke. I came again with the help of his fingers, oblivious to the fact that I was over a toilet. Ranger slid his hand over my mouth to muffle my moans and I felt him tense, gripping me as he climaxed.

He leaned over me, panting, while we got our breath back. He deserved a break. He'd been busy.

The seatbelt light chose that moment to ding. Ranger withdrew and cleaned himself off. "That's my cue."

I eyed him. "Did you wake me up early for this?"

"Well, I didn't want you to waste a perfectly good trip to the bathroom."

"How thoughtful of you."

Ranger flashed me a smile, cupped my face and kissed my forehead before exiting. I cleaned myself up and than made my walk of shame back to my seat. The boys were all smiling and looking everywhere but at me. Lula, however, gave me a high five.

"Way to get you some, girl. Tank and I would have tried that, too, but he can't fit in those little bathrooms. Come to think of it, it's a squeeze for me, too. You would think they would have a bathroom for us big boned folk."

I looked at Tank. "You really can't fit in the bathrooms?"

He nodded. "Luckily I have a big bladder."

Lula grunted. "It matches."

oooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooo

We arrived at the hotel late afternoon. We had time to change and have a quick break before we met with the show producer in one of the hotel's meeting rooms. He was about 5'6" tall with thinning hair. He looked nervous. He kept eyeing all the guys and jumped twice before our meeting even started.

"Thank you for coming. I appreciate you being on time." He obviously didn't know Rangeman very well. "My name is Bill Greenfield. On behalf of Triage Entertainment and ABC Family, we welcome you to the show." He smiled at us. Lula and I smiled back. When his eyes met Rangers, the smile disappeared.

"Anyway, it's 5:15 pm now. We will have dinner provided and then you'll go back to your rooms to change. Dress warm as it's getting pretty cold out there. We will leave for the asylum at 7:00. That will get you there around dusk and we will begin filming." When he said the word 'asylum' he paled visibly. "Do you have any questions?"

Ranger leaned forward. "What will be the procedure once we get there?"

"You will all be fitted with special cameras and sound devices. Then you will listen to an introduction and the history of the asylum from the host Alan Robson. From there he will let you study a map of the grounds and buildings. He will assign tasks for all of you to be completed during the night. Our ultimate goal is to collect paranormal readings from multiple locations throughout the property. You will be sent in with said equipment in groups and singularly, as instructed by Alan."

"Singularly!" Lula bolted up. Bill jumped. "What do you mean by singularly? As in 'by oneself'? As in 'I'm going to fucking die all alone when all the creeps come to get me' singularly? Hell no! Tank! I'm not going! It's a well known fact that psycho ghosts go for black people first. Especially attractive black women. It's a statistical fact! I ain't no token death!"

Bill looked at a loss. Tank turned her to face him. "Baby." His voice was soothing. They had been here before. "I promise. I will always protect you." He smiled at her and her face went mushy.

"Well, okay. But I ain't going by myself. They can kiss my token ass."

Ranger reached over and picked up my hand, bringing it to his mouth and kissed my palm. I knew that was his way of echoing what Tank had said to Lula. My face went mushy.

"Good." Bill looked relieved at the trouble avoidance. "We will provide all equipment, and we don't allow any external devices. And, of course, you don't have any weapons on you?" Bobby, Lester and Tank looked down and shifted uncomfortably. Between the four men, they were probably wearing a total of 11 weapons. Only Ranger met his eyes.

"We're all dressed normal."

I coughed-laughed and kicked him under the table. He slid his eyes to me and I saw his lips twitch.

"Good. Any further questions?

Bobby spoke up. "Will you be going out with us?"

Bill went even paler and backed up a step, as if to put distance between himself and the question. "Oh, good Heavens, no! I'll get you into the shuttle but I don't go to the locations anymore!" He wrung his hands.

At that moment a door slammed shut in the room next to us. We didn't blink but Bill jumped and screamed a high pitched scream waving his hands. We gaped at him and Lester burst out, "What the Hell is wrong with you?"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry. I hate this show. It's really getting to me. I just get really freaked out. After I vomited in Dracula's Castle the show let me stop going to the locations. In fact, I need a Tums." We all backed away slightly. This idea was starting to sound less appealing.

"Meet back here at 7:00. Dinner will be sent up to your rooms so you can have a last meal. Oh, that came out wrong. Of course I don't mean _last_ meal. I mean, of course you guys will be coming back. Oh, I almost forgot. I need you to sign these waivers relieving us of liability due to death or mutilation."

I turned to Ranger. "We are so having sex before we go." He turned toward the door.

"Race you to the room."

**Tbc….**


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Janet owns all of these wonderful people.

_**I can't seem to get a website address to stick when I upload this. I type it in and then it's removed by fanfiction. But I really want you guys to see this sucker. It's really fucked up looking. Go to danversstateinsaneasylum and then add a www and a .com. Lets see if it works when I type it like that..**_

_**Most all info in here I got from websites about Danvers, including physical descriptions. I'm trying to make it accurate.**_

**Halloween Off**

**Part three**

We pulled up to the gate and the limo paused to go through clearance with the guard. Lester rolled down the window and we got our first glimpse of Danvers Asylum in the fading light. You could hear a pin drop in the car as we stared unblinking at the monstrosity on top of the hill.

"Oh, Heeeeelllll no!" Lula said. We waited for more tirade but that seemed to be the best she could do as she seemed to lessen in the presence of the asylum.

It was huge. It was creepy. It made me want to pee my pants. Red brick and gothic turrets rose 130 feet high on the main building. Cupolas with wrought iron weather vanes sat on top. Behind this monstrosity, four attached wings on each side flanked it, falling back to disappear in the shadows. It looked like it was falling apart. It looked like it had some freaky fucking ghosts. Or some Death Eaters. Or something.

We drove up the hill in continued silence. The limo driver opened our door, got back in a drove away in a hurry. He didn't look back.

"No good can come from that," Bobby said as he watched him speed away.

We were met by a production assistant and a cameraman who was already filming our reactions. We were escorted over to a large courtyard area in front of the main building where we were introduced to the Director, Dave, and the host, Alan Robson.

Dave showed us around and explained to us that this would be our home base. There was an unlit fire pit in the middle, a table with some bagged food and a cooler of drinks for if we didn't vomit. There was also a trailer for Alan that we were told was open to us to use the bathroom. You know, in between peeing our pants inside the asylum. He explained that Alan was going to go through the history and rules with us and then we would get fitted for cameras and sound.

While we had talked with Dave, the assistant had lit the fire pit and a huge fire was roaring away. Instead of being cozy it cast wavering angles onto the structure behind us, casting shadows all around us. It was almost completely dark by now. Peeing myself was becoming a stronger reality by the second.

We stood in a group as Alan finished with his makeup lady and they set up the cameras.

He spread his arms dramatically, asking for silence. "Welcome to Danvers State Lunatic Asylum!" He boomed.

"Dude." Lester said in a whisper, "It's Danvers State Insane Asylum."

Alan ignored him. "You have been summoned here tonight to one of the Scariest Places on Earth! Danvers Asylum has a long, bloody history that extends well beyond the crumbling buildings and echoes of the tortured past you see around you!"

"Okay." Lester said, "You are being a total dork. Can you tone it down a little bit? It's way too much. I know your wearing makeup and all, but really."

"Yeah, I know. I can't help it. He makes me." He pointed to the director, who waved.

"Oh." Lester made a hand motion, "Have at it."

"We stand tonight on Hawthorne Hill, where the story begins. The city below us didn't begin with its current name. Before it was named Danvers it went by another name- Salem Village. In 1646 the house was built right where the main building stands today that housed the infamous Jonathan Hawthorne, the bloody judge who sentenced 19 innocents to death by burning and the hangman's noose in the infamous Salem witch trials. It is said that before her death, one witch screamed a curse with her dying breath, forever damning this ground of the judge who murdered her in cold blood!"

I was frozen until Lester began clapping. Bobby elbowed him.

"The asylum began construction in 1874, taking four years to be built. It was designed by noted architect Nathaniel Bradlee. When it opened in 1878 it was the largest and most state-of-the-art lunatic asylum to date. It was hoped to be a change from the gruesome conditions of other state asylums. But the curse of the ground would soon consume Danvers and all who dwelt here. Originally built to house a maximum of 600 patients, it grew to over 2400 in the early 1900's. The staff resorted to dark age methods to control the insane including electric shock therapy, restraints, hydrotherapy and….lobotomies."

Lula had been quiet next to me, her eyes wide. "Loboto-what?" Tank winced and put an arm around her to prepare her for the inevitable answer.

"Lobotomies." Alan continued, thrilled to be able to expand. "A mallet was used to pound and force a surgical instrument that looked like an ice pick through the thin layer of skull at the top of the eye socket. The pick was then wiggled to destroy the frontal lobe of the brain. They also could get to this area by drilling holes in the patients heads."

"Oh dear Lord." And Lula sat on the ground.

A cameraman was suddenly in her face, recording her reaction. Tank stepped forward and we watched the cameraman slowly raise his eyes the length of Tank from his squatting position.

"I'll just film over here."

Tank helped Lula stand up. He cupped her face and made her look at him. "They haven't done those in a very long time, baby."

"Yeah." Lester grabbed Bobby's head. "We should do one on Bobby and see if they still work."

Bobby ducked away and shoved Lester. "Oh, fuck you!"

"How long has the site been abandoned?" Ranger asked.

"The main building has been deserted since the 70's. They built a newer structure and moved a smaller group of patients there. That closed in 1992. Tonight you will be collecting data for us from the oldest buildings, where the most paranormal activity has been recorded. These places have seen horror and pain, the likes of which you will never know."

This apparently was too much for Ranger. I heard him lightly expel his breath and I looked up to catch a small eye roll.

"This isn't freaking you out?" I whispered.

"No, Babe. I don't believe in ghosts. He's just trying to scare you."

"Yeah, well, it's working."

Ranger reached over and took my hand as Alan kept talking.

"Your first exploration will be as a group to Men's Ward A. This is the very last wing next to the woods. Ward A is where they kept the worst of the insane. The murderers. The excitable. The violent. There are many reported cases of suicide from patients that couldn't take it, being trapped out in the coldest, darkest unit. Here is where the patients lived who received the most horrible of medical experiments. Do their tortured souls still roam the halls, trapped in the agony of their wasted life? You'll need to find out. In a moment you be fitted with cameras so we can document your findings. You will also be provided with devices used to determine the dead souls. You will use both an EMF Electro sensor used to record magnetic fields produced by spirits and a IM 179 Geiger Counter."

All four men looked slightly confused. I was confused, too. I had no clue what a Geiger counter was.

"And why do we need to detect radiation?" asked Tank. Ah.

"Because when a spirit manifests it gives off a small dose of gamma radiation. This will predict if anyone has come in the room with you."

"Now see, why'd you have to say it like that?" Lula asked, recovered from the lobotomy incident. "That's bullshit. That's just freaking me out again. You're a mean, sad man who is trying to freak us out. Well guess what? I'm freaked out. Now I need some chips. You got any chips?" An assistant handed her some Funions. "Oh thank the Lord!"

Alan handed Ranger the map and showed him how to get to Ward A. "First you will go as a group to get used to the process. After that we will assign places to collect data and send you in together since you are all couples."

"What!" Lester came over quickly. "What do you mean couples? Who exactly do you think my couple would be?"

"Uhhh…" Alan looked over at Director Dave, who spoke up. "I'm sorry. We just assumed based on who was coming that this was a couples show. We assumed you were with…uh…Mr. Brown over there."

"Yeah, well let me assume my foot in your ass."

"It's too late to change the order. But we can try to get the editors to take out 'life partners' from the credits."

Lester turned to Bobby. "Are you at least going to put out?"

The assistant came over to get Tank at that moment. He was taken over to the electronics where he was fitted with a chest unit camera, aiming straight up at his face, and a mic. She explained the process to us as she went.

"These cameras will record video only. No sound. The feed will show on that monitor over there by Dave so you can watch your partners-"

"Friends!" Bobby burst out.

"-friends as they complete their missions. You are also being fitted with a mic that will allow us to hear you. If you press the green button on the side, it will broadcast your voice to the other five of you through your earphones."

I saw Ranger and Bobby exchange a subtle glance and wondered what that was about.

The assistant next started setting Lula up. I saw Tank and Bobby make their way off to one side away from everyone. No one noticed but me. It looked like Bobby was fiddling with Tank's equipment. One by one we got outfitted and one by one Bobby found a way to get us alone. When he dragged my into the trailer to 'help me pee' he unscrewed the back of the camera and wired something inside. He was done in two seconds. Then he slipped something into my mic.

"What are you doing?"

"You'll see, Sweet Thing."

"'Sweet Thing' is the best you can do?"

"Ranger might be able to hear me so I thought it was best not to call you tasty titties."

"Yeah, save that for Lester." Bobby looked disgruntled as we walked out. I saw him hand something to Ranger.

The camera crew came back over and resumed filming.

Alan struck his gold pose again. "Good luck, friends. You will need to take measurements from all three floors and around the chair in restraining room F. You'll also need to take pictures of the bloodstains left on the arms to see if we can capture any orbs. I hope you return safely."

"Jackass." I could hear Lula mumble as we turned to go.

Ranger was in the lead and he turned, grabbed my hand and pulled me up with him.

"Stick close to me, Babe. I have a feeling they might be planning something." He had his hand over his mic. I raised my eyebrows but didn't comment.

Ward A was way down at the end of the huge building. The whole thing was dark, the windows boarded up. I stared as we walked. There were a few windows where the boards had fallen out but I forbid myself to look at those. I figured the chance of seeing something looking out was too high and I wouldn't recover from that. I'm not even sure Ranger sex could bring me back.

It took us almost ten minutes to get from the courtyard to the door leading into ward A. Bobby opened the door and we all peered into the darkness. A damp smell filled with decay wafted out at us as we stood. And kept standing. And kept standing.

Finally, I looked around. "Okay, at least Lula and I can _admit_ we don't want to go first."

"Amen, sista." Lula said.

All four guys stepped forward at my words and Lula and I smiled at each other. The bad part was Ranger went in first and I was attached to him. It was pitch black and there was stuff everywhere. We switched on our flashlights. An old toilet lay in the entryway, a mattress beyond that. Cobwebs hung from the walls and ceiling.

Ranger turned to the group. "This is the connector hallway that joins the buildings. We'll head down that way and into the unit through the main door." He met Tank's eyes, who nodded slightly. They were acting a little odd. Well…odder.

We walked down the long hall, glancing around us. I could hear Lula's constant dialog behind me.

"Now look at that. That's a perfectly good scale. I bet it still works. Is that a bedpan? Oh, that is just nasty. Tank, I don't want no spider web in my hair. Did you all hear that? Was that a creak? People always hear a creak before something gets them! See, this shit doesn't happen at Christmas. I rest my case about the better holiday."

We got the big main door, now broken and hanging. 'Extreme Caution' was written in block letters, highlighted by Bobby's flashlight. Ranger pushed the door open farther and we all crept into the large main room. It was silent, except for the faint drip of water. We stood and looked around us, trying to visualize 100 years ago.

"I wonder who stood in this very spot for the first time, knowing they would never leave here." Bobby whispered. We all tried to wrap our minds around it out of respect for lives past.

"All right." Ranger said quietly, catching Bobby, Lester and Tank's eye. At the same time they aimed a small remote at their cameras and a small beep was heard. Then Tank and Ranger did the same to mine and Lula's.

"And what is that?" I asked. Ranger was opening his jacket. "Scrambler. Just a little recon work to see what these boys are up to."

Ranger produced several instruments. Lester and Bobby were handing out night vision goggles. Ranger tuned one device and began scanning the room. "This will detect body heat. We'll know in a second if anyone is here to cause some problems."

At the same time Tank was sweeping the room with a larger device. "This will show us if there are any mechanical devices in the room. It picks up electrical discharge such as a battery or an outlet."

"Clear." Ranger said.

"Clear." Tank said. "I'm going down the hall a bit."

Lester was scanning the room for wires or other traps. I was staring at Ranger.

"Seriously?"

"Seriously what, Babe?"

"You are seriously turning this into a recon mission?"

"No, I'm just covering my bases. There are no ghosts. This is just a sad old building and it doesn't look like they have anything set up. We'll check again in the restraint room. That is the other prime location for them to try something." Tank came back in and said 'clear'. "Okay, we need to turn these back on. It's been long enough. Ready?"

The four men beeped their remotes and activated us again. Lester began tapping on his mic. "Are you there? Anyone? Alan?"

Static. "We can hear you now. We lost all feed for a few minutes. Is everything okay?"

Lester tried to look concerned for his camera. "Yeah, it just seemed to turn off for a minute, but it seems to be working now. We're just going to hurry. I sure want to get out of here."

Tank tripped him as we started to walk.

We took our reading on the first floor, all normal. The guys were walking confidently yet respectfully, having been in many old, dark building. Lula and I weren't so confident. We didn't like to be near people who were disrespecting the ghosts. It made the haunting factor go up. I liked the movie Ghostbusters but I sure as hell didn't want to be one.

We finished on the second floor and started up the stairs. They were caged in with mesh. Tank informed us this was to keep the patients from jumping or pushing someone. I'm going with 'kidding' about the pushing. We arrived at A3 which, according to Alan was where the worst patients were kept. The door had an old iron bar across it to keep it locked. Lester heaved it open and we peered in. It was pitch black. Tank shined his light down the hall. The wear was bad here, the walls crumbling, the barred windows sagging. Restraints were built into the wall every 20 feet or so. The rooms were bigger here with large steel doors. There were small windows in the bottom and at eye level. A dead rat skeleton lay against the wall.

Suddenly a shuffling noise was heard to our left, down another corridor.

Ranger pulled his gun and shone his light but there was nothing there. "Must have been a rat." He said, but his eyes stayed glued to the corridor for another minute.

Lula clutched at Tank. "I don't like this. This sucks. Let's hurry this up."

We all began walking quickly. Ranger had hold of my hand. He hadn't reholstered his gun, but kept it out of the sight of the camera. We had to turn several corners to get to the restraint unit. We were deep in the building now.

Bobby opened the door and looked in, playing his flashlight.

"Yep, there's a fucked up chair."

We walked into the room and the boys beeped their remotes. Once again they did their scans. Lula and I may have been standing a little closer than normal.

"Clear." Ranger said. Tanked looked at his device.

From a corner of the room came a slow creak. All of us looked up and stared transfixed as the door of the old cabinet swung open slowly.

Tank held up his device. "Clear." He whispered. We stood silent as the door finished opening. Ranger's face was blank, but I saw a muscle in his jaw working. Lester's lips were pressed together.

There was a creak in the hall. We heard a slight _tap tap_ on the wall. Tank jumped out of the room with his flashlight and his gun up, eyes wide. Lula and I were clutching each other shamelessly.

"Nothing." Tank said, swinging his gun both ways. He walked back in and got out his remote. "Let's finish up." They beeped their remotes and Bobby went through the routine this time with Alan. Tank and Lester were taking readings and Ranger was taking pictures of the chair. There were blood stains on the arm where the wrist restraints were.

"Let's move out." Ranger met Tank's eyes and the two men moved to our side. Ranger on mine, Tank on Lula's, Lester and Bobby in front and back. All had their guns out. For once I didn't fight him. There was no fucking way I was going out in that hall any other way.

We made our way down the hall. We got to the top of the stairs and we heard the audible click of a door shutting from behind us. The hair stood on my arms and we all looked at each other and started moving. No one would ever dare accuse a Rangeman of running away, but they were quite brisk. We made it down and out the front door. About 30 feet from the building we came to a halt and looked back at the building. Lester had his eyes closed, Lula was wrapped around Tank and Bobby was wiping his forehead.

Ranger still had his blank face on.

""Do you believe now, Batman?"

"No. But that was pretty convincing." I wrapped my arms around him. "I mean, look at me." He said. "Your body's touching me and I'm not even thinking about sex."

"You just did."

"Oh you're right. I'm fine."

TBC….


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Janet owns all of these wonderful people.

**Halloween Off**

Part four

We made the walk back to home base in relative silence. Quite frankly, the fact that we got scared shitless had about a 0 surprise factor for me but the guys seemed pretty surprised about it. I caught them shaking their heads slightly as they walked. I guess when you've invaded nuclear powers, an old, dark building sounds like a no-brainer.

When we got back to camp Alan gave us a 30 minute break while they checked the equipment connections. Lula and I ate, drank, used the facilities, and freshened up. You know, the usual. The guys sat down in silence and stared at one another. My guess is that now they were out of the building and weren't freaked out anymore, they were having second thoughts about their hasty exit. Lula and I were quite comfortable with our hasty exit.

We were asked to assemble around Alan after our 30 minutes were up. We were slower this time, wondering who was going to get the shaft.

The cameras were set up and rolling as we took our seats. I sure as hell wasn't standing for him this time.

"Well, friends, you are back from your first mission. We will process the data you collected but it looks like you did record some paranormal activity."

"Paranormal my ass. There wasn't anything normal about it. That was jacked up." Lula was muttering. Alan just continued. I figured Lula's television debut was only going to air about 30 percent of her words. The other 70 percent would be one, long edited bleep.

"The next mission will be particularly tricky. Stephanie and Ranger will ascend to the attic." I wasn't sure but I thought I heard "Thank Lord Jesus" come from the direction of the others. I looked over quickly but everyone was looking away. "We have had reports of footsteps being heard coming from the attic. You will need to get readings and pictures from the area directly over Ward A where you were earlier. This is most tricky because the attics will show the most wear as they have been out of use since the 50's. We aren't sure what you will find up there. Here is the map. Good luck."

I turned and looked at Ranger. He had his blank face on as he took the map from Alan. My face wasn't blank. I was freaked. The attic? What the hell! That's bullshit. I turned to Alan.

"What did they do in the attic? Was it just storage?"

"Oh no. When the place overflowed, they had patients live up there. In fact there is a story about a nurse getting locked up there one night-"

"NO! That's enough. If you say one more word, so help me God you will never have children, Alan."

He shifted uncomfortably and looked over at Dave. "Fair enough. I guess I don't need to tell that story."

Ranger grabbed my hand and smiled at me. "Come on, Babe. Let's just get this over with."

We started walking back towards Unit A. He was walking faster than normal and I had to jog a little. I was guessing that Ranger wasn't so hot on doing this but the big difference between Ranger and I was that my inclination was to run and hide while Ranger's was to get it over with quickly and efficiently. I liked my idea a lot better.

"Do you think there will be ghosts up there?"

"No."

"Can you protect me if there are?"

"There aren't any ghosts."

"You didn't answer my question."

"Yes."

"How would you protect me?"

"Babe."

"You would just shoot them, wouldn't you?"

Silence.

"That's what popped into your head, isn't it? Oh, my God, that's all you have! ISN'T IT??"

"Maybe."

I stopped dead. "Holy shit! You're useless! You have nothing when it comes to ghosts! You only know how to shoot things! Crap. Crap. Crap. This is actually up to me! I'm the protector here. This is so fucked up!"

Ranger was staring at me like I had two heads.

"Babe, I could protect you."

"HOW! Give me one good defense against a ghost. Right now. One!" I was slapping the back of one hand against my palm. Okay, I was being a little ridiculous but it was close to midnight and I was in a fucking field next to an old insane asylum with an anal retentive non-believer. He looked at me and for the first time looked unsure. He was thinking hard.

"Hail Marys?"

"That wasn't too bad for a first try, Ranger, but you gotta do better than that or I don't think I can depend on you as a partner." His eyes widened slightly and he expelled breath. He was thinking hard again.

"The sign of the cro-" I started to erupt and sensing danger he cut me off. "No wait, I can do better…."

I waited, tapping my foot. This wasn't going well. For the first time since I had known him, Ranger was failing miserably. He pressed his fingers against one eye. I think he was willing himself for an answer. Finally, his big shoulders slumped and he looked down at the ground, his hands on his hips.

"Honestly, Babe, I have nothing. I know nothing about ghosts." He looked at me. "If we ran into a ghost, I have no idea the right thing to do. In reality, I would pick you up and run with all the speed I have and get us out of there. And if we were trapped, I'd shove you under me so that I would take the ectoplasm."

"That's it! _That's_ the right answer! I _love_ you!" I threw my arms around him and hugged him hard. I could feel him smiling.

"You love me?"

Ohhhh, new ground. Look at that. "Well, yeah."

"You mean I just have to run like a chicken to get you to admit you love me?"

"It was the part where you said you would take the ectoplasm. That means you've watched Ghostbusters and so I love you."

Ranger shook his head a little but kissed me lightly. Suddenly our ear pieces buzzed and Lester came on.

"Dude, you are going to make me cry. That was the most romantic thing I have ever heard. Will you run carrying me if we saw a ghost?"

Ranger and I looked down at the cameras on our chest.

"Fuck." We both said.

"Ohhhh, yeah. Do that too. But wait until I get a Coke." Lester said.

Ranger pulled me forward. "Come on. I'm suddenly not scared anymore. Let's do this quick and maybe we'll live this down."

oooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooooo

We made it into the building, past the toilet and old mattress and started climbing the stairs. If I wasn't so scared I would have bitched really loud. As it was I was trying really hard not to let the ghosts know where we were. I was holding Ranger's hand in a death grip. If he let go I think my heart would explode instantly.

We got to the third floor landing and kept going. After two more flights the stairs ended at a door simply labeled 'Attic Access, Ward A'." Ranger turned the knob and the door held. He pushed hard and the whole door frame crumpled and fell in, taking the door with it.

Ranger turned to me. "If it were a different situation that would have been great for my Superman image." I rolled my eyes but I doubt he saw me since I was half turned away from him. I had to guard the way we came. Something could come up the stairs and get us from behind and that wasn't happening on my watch, no sir.

We peered in the attic. It was dark, but there were patches of moonlight sporadically from where a few boards had fallen out of windows. I realized with a sick roll of my stomach that these were the windows I didn't want to look at from the ground. There was crap everywhere. Tables, beds, clothes and trash littered the area. Ranger walked forward and I followed holding on to his belt for dear life.

Ten steps into the space a rat ran across our feet. I screamed and jumped to the side and my foot crashed through the floor.

Ranger was instantly holding me around the waist. "Don't move!"

"Yeah, wasn't gonna."

Ranger slowly heaved me upwards and set me down a few feet away. He bent over and shined his light on my ankle. I panned the light around while he was examining me.

He smiled up. "Watching my back?"

"You better believe it."

""Put weight on it. Does it hurt?"

"No, I'm good. Thanks."

He put his arm around me and we walked forward again. We had to take readings and pictures from this end and from the far end. I couldn't see that far when I played the flashlight. We paused to do the work. I took pictures with the camera.

We finished up and started walking down into the attic. We had to weave around boxes and dressers and I began to feel a little lost. It was extremely quiet. I could hear faint rustlings around us.

"It's just rats." Ranger said quietly.

He stopped to get our bearings and we heard a creak to our right, deep in the attic.

"That was SO not a rat!"

"The attic is just settling." He said. But his hand was near his gun and he was still.

We started walking again. The next curve led us near a window that had no board, the panes broken. We looked out and could just make out the bonfire in the distance.

"I want to be there, Ranger. This is really scary."

"Just a little further, Babe. Come on."

We had reached the opposite side of the attic. It was dark and silent. We could hear each other breathing. Once again Ranger started his measurements while I took pictures.

While Ranger finished up, I scrolled back through the pictures I took. A chill ran through me when I saw the last one.

"Ranger, please tell me what that is." He looked over my shoulder and I felt his breath become even and shallow. I had taken a picture of a stack of boxes next to a mirror. You could just make out the mirror in the flash. Goose pimples broke out on me as I saw a faint face looking right at us, its eyes white and dead. Both of us snapped our heads over to the mirror but it was dark and empty.

"Ranger!" I whispered.

"Time for my plan." He said. "I better get some sex for this." And he picked me up and ran. I had my legs wrapped around his waist, the cameras squished together as he weaved in and around old junk. He broke through the floor close to where I went down but he didn't even slow, just stumbled slightly, pulled out and kept going. He hurtled the door and pounded down the four flights. It wasn't until we got to the bottom with only the last hall to go before he set me down and we jogged out the ward door together.

We came to a stop outside, both of us breathing heavy. He eyed me. Despite my fear I was grinning like a Cheshire cat.

"Is that a 'my hero' grin or a 'you ran like a girl' grin?" he asked.

Our ear piece buzzed and we could hear much laughing in the background before Tank came on. "Come on Steph! Say 'ran like a girl' grin!" Ranger grimaced and bent over with his hands on his knees.

"Shut up, Tank." I said. I pulled Ranger up and kissed him long and deep.

"My hero." I said softly against his lips. We held each other for a few minutes before we started making our way back to home base.

Ranger was quiet for awhile. "What are you thinking about?" I finally asked.

"Zombies. Now zombies I could kick the shit out of."

ooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooo

When we got back to home base we discovered that Tank and Lester had prepared a lively skit for us ending with Tank carrying Lester to safety from Spooky Bobby. Ranger calmly showed them the picture and they stopped teasing him. Lester even said he would have wanted Ranger to pick him up, too. I'm only half sure he was joking.

All too soon the cameras were rolling again. "Welcome back, Stephanie and Ranger. That was some haunting images you brought back from the top of Danvers. Wonder what we will find at the bottom? Lester and Bobby, in a true test of your love, your next mission will be to collect data from the tunnel system that runs the length of Danvers. You will start at the Kirkbride Administration building and follow them to the end of Women's Ward A. For this we will place tracking monitors on you as we worry about you getting lost in the dark. There are many twists, turns and hiding places."

Tank was chuckling. "Oh, guys, that SUCKS to be you. That's fucked up."

Alan continued. "At the same time, on our first lone mission, Tank," Tank's smile instantly dropped off, "will be visiting the cemetery of the dead insane. There are over 800 graves in the graveyard. Your job will be to locate marker 666 and take pictures and readings before returning. We have heard rumors of activity around that stone."

Tank didn't look happy. He looked like someone had popped his happy balloon. Ranger walked over and clapped him on the shoulder.

"Sorry about your luck, Man. But let's talk because I have this whole defense strategy on zombies."

ooooooooooooooooooooooo RS ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

Ranger, Lula and I were sacked out around the three TV screens used to show the feed and sound from each man's camera. We had junk food everywhere. Well, Ranger had a water and some carrot sticks. But he was lounging with us, at least.

The three guys had set off without much grumbling. Ranger said it was an ego thing. This left Lula worried about her fate. So far, she was the only one that hadn't gone twice. I told her I thought they knew how fragile she was and were being nice. In reality I thought she was doomed.

Lester and Bobby were entering the Kirkbride building slowly. Tank was still hoofing it around the building to the cemetery.

Lester and Bobby were keeping up a rapid stream of jokes. Their spirits were still up due to the minimal wear in the administration building. Their chatter tapered off when they began to descend the stairs. We could see beside their heads the walls begin to wear away down to bricks and stone, glowing green from the night vision of the cameras. They both paused at the bottom gathering their bearings.

"Damn." Bobby said. "It's cold down here. And there's water."

"I dare you to get naked and jump in." Lester grinned at him.

"You just want me naked to up your chances of me putting out."

A high pitched noise was heard in the background and both men fell silent.

We could see Lester swinging his head around. "I didn't like that. Not that I'm scared, but that wasn't a normal noise."

"Yeah, I'm not scared, either, but if I were that would have been a scary noise."

"Shit. There are a lot of rats down here. And there's a skeleton. It looks like a cat or a small dog. The decor could have stood to not have that and still be creepy."

"Come on. Let's get moving. I really don't like rats." They started walking down the tunnel.

Over on Tank's monitor he was slowing down. "Okay, I just arrived at the gate. Daaaaaamn this is a big graveyard." He stood some more. "You've got to be kidding me. Someone seriously thought that was the sign to put there. Alan, did you put that there to scare me or is that REALLY the original sign?"

Alan beeped his headset. "What does it say?"

Tank turned his camera and bent down so we could see the sign, carved on a rock:

The Danvers State Hospital Cemetery

The echoes they left behind

"Yeah, that wasn't me." Alan said. "That is the original sign."

Tank readjusted his camera. He blew out a breath and squeaked the gate open. "Oh, for crying out loud!"

We all beeped our headsets "What?!"

"There's a fog. I mean, seriously. This is hard enough to act like a man and get this done without the fog. Shit." He kicked a headstone.

"Tank!" I yelled. "Don't kick the headstone. It's disrespectful and you increase your odds of a zombie attack." Tank jumped away from the grave and looked doubtful.

"I'd listen to her. "Ranger said. "She knows." Tank eyed the grave and started walking forward.

Meanwhile Bobby and Lester were trooping through the water. They had taken one set of readings and were trying to find their way with the map. Bobby was getting more and more agitated with the rats. There were scurrying noises everywhere. Every now and then he would flinch and say something like "geeeeeeze" under his breath. Lester had given up teasing him. He didn't look calm himself.

They both paused walking and looked around. "It's some kind of underground room." Lester whispered.

"I hear noises." Bobby said. "High pitched squealing. What the hell is that? It sounds like it's coming from above us." He was looking up.

"I don't know, man. Let's just get our reading and hurry up." Lester said. "I don't like it down here. I can't see where anything is. Anything could be down here."

Bobby was breathing harder. "Now why'd you have to say it like that, huh? It's freaky enough without-" Suddenly we all heard a whump and Bobby hair began moving.

My favorite clip ever from America's Funniest Home Video is where this man is walking through a fake haunted house and all of a sudden a coffin opens up and he screams this high girl's scream and does a little tap dance. It's the closest thing I can think of to describe the noise that came out of Bobby's mouth. He was flailing his arms and dancing and the scream went on for a good 15 seconds.

"BAT!" He yelled when the scream ended. "BAT IN MY HAIR! BAT! LESTER, GET IT OUT! GET IT OUT!"

Alan turned to us. "Are you sure they aren't gay?"

Ranger was on his feet. "Yes! I'm saved. This is so much better than me running. Thank God." He beeped his earpiece. "Bobby, you are going down, man."

Lester was laughing so hard he couldn't make any noise. Bobby was still swinging at his hair. "Holy shit, that was a big bat! Lester, did you see it? That HAD to be a vampire bat. It was bigger than my head."

"Bobby." Lester gasped. "It was…about…2 inches…long."

"Fuck you, it was 2 inches long! Your dick is 2 inches long!"

Ranger sat back down smiling. "Alan, I'll pay anything you want to get an unedited copy of that."

We looked back over at Tanks monitor. He was up to grave 256. Lula beeped her earpiece. "You missed it, Baby. Bobby got a bat in his hair and screamed like a girl." We saw Tank grin.

Bobby beeped in. "I did not. It was a very appropriate reaction." They were walking again. I think both teams had been walking for about thirty minutes at this point.

"We're nearing the end of the tunnel. One more reading to go." Lester said.

"Okay," Tank said. "It should be around here somewhere. The location looks fucked up enough. There are pentagrams drawn in the ground. Looks like some weirdos have been using this place for some extracurricular activities. Oh and of course. Here it is. With red stuff on it. I'm sure it's paint." He was taking his readings, as were Lester and Bobby.

A deep cracking noise was heard from Tank's monitor. Suddenly a large branch came crashing down next to him.

At the same time, a low moan was heard from the tunnels followed by splashing that sounded like it was coming closer.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" yelled Tank.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" yelled Lester and Bobby.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" yelled Lula. We looked at her.

"What? It seemed fitting."

We could see all three cameras running and stumbling. Lester and Bobby up the long staircase, Tank back through the cemetery towards the gate.

Lester and Bobby burst out the back door just as Tank came crashing out of the graveyard, almost colliding.

"Fuck!"

"Fuck!"

"Fuck!"

"Don't move!"

"Hands where I can see 'em!"

"Drop it!"

Alan glanced over at Ranger. "Bill said he made sure you didn't bring weapons. You wouldn't have brought any, would you?"

"Do you want to search me?"

"Yeah, I really don't."

Back on the screens the three men had obviously lowered their weapons and looked a little sheepish.

Bobby was the first to smile. "Well, hell. I was just kidding. I just wanted to see if Lester would run."

"I wasn't kidding." Lester grimaced. "I pulled a Ranger and I'd do it again."

Ranger tossed his water in the trash. "Damnit."

TBC…..


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Janet owns everything.

**Halloween Off**

**Part five**

It was after 4 am by the time we were all back together at home base. The guys had crashed out on the ground when they got back and had grabbed some food. Director Dave had replayed Bobby screaming three times. He even slowed it down and did a play by play. Then he sped it up and made Bobby sound like a munchkin until we all about died.

Lula wasn't laughing very much. She was nervous and edgy. We tried to console her, but it did no good.

"I'm gonna get it." She said. "I'm the one that didn't want to go alone and so guess what? Let's pick on the large, black woman. This is Like Lethal Weapon. They fuck you in the drive-thru!" Tank put his arms around her. Pretty soon the cameras assembled. We knew there was only time for one more mission before dawn. Once again, Alan raised his arms for silence.

"For the final mission, Lula will be going by herself to the surgery labs. This is where they would perform lobotomies as well as bleedings and electric shock therapy." Lula started to shake her head 'no' but she quieted when Tank's big hands came to rest on her shoulders. "I need you to perform two tasks. Take the usual paranormal readings in three of the four labs as well as take some pictures."

"Oh Lord. Oh Lord." Lula was saying. "I don't know if I can do this, Tank. I just knew it would come to this, but I don't know." Lester, Bobby, Ranger and I came to stand by her as Tank sat her down and kneeled in front of her.

Now here's the thing about Lula. Lula dressed in neon clothes that looked like they would have trouble fitting on Barbie. She wore too much make-up, dyed her hair outrageous colors and had a mouth like a sailor. She ate like crap and sassed everyone around. But deep down where it counts, Lula was all heart. She had been through her own form of Hell. She survived a terrible childhood and had to resort to becoming a hooker to get by. Not only did she resist the drugs and life that can destroy those girls, but she pulled herself out of it and turned her life around with a grit that few people possess. Underneath the bad Max Factor she had the heart of a soldier and the boys recognized it. They loved Lula as one of their own. But no one loved her as much as Tank.

"Baby, this is our last mission. You can do this. If anyone can do this, it's you. All you have to do is walk over there, get the readings and take some pictures. I will be able to see you and hear you at all times. If you even blink I will be there in a second. Screw the show. Do you want to try?"

Lula was staring into Tank's eyes, not even blinking. She was quiet for a moment. "Yeah, I want to try." she said quietly. We all patted her back. She turned to Alan. "What will I be taking pictures of? Severed heads?"

"No, there are blood stains in lab three that they were never able to get rid of. They came from a lobotomy that went grisly. The patient, Jebediah Olsen, woke up in the middle and his thrashing spilt his blood on the walls and caused the instruments to scramble his brain. He died before they could put him out again. They have washed them many times, but they keep coming back. Maybe…just like Jebediah."

Lula paled. Tank sucked in a breath and we all glared at Alan. He looked sheepish, but held out the map for Lula. She and Tank studied it and plotted her best and quickest course. Her hands weren't steady as she held the map.

The camera and sound people came to make sure she was hooked up good and tight. Lula kept her eyes trained on Tank. She took a deep breath and turned to leave. Tank grabbed her, swung her back around and kissed her deeply. She looked dazed when he let her go.

"I love you, Lula. And I'm proud of you no matter what. I'll be right here listening. Hurry back."

She smiled at him and started walking across the courtyard. We could hear her muttering to herself through the mic. "Fucking TV show. Never doing this again. Black people aren't meant to be scared. It ruins our mojo. What the hell is that! Fucking bush. I'm not scared of no bush. I can do this."

Tank was smiling at her stream of curses but he was edgy and sweating. We all were. I loved Lula, and the guys were extremely protective. Ranger came over and pulled me to him. I pressed my face into his shoulder and smelled him.

"She'll be OK, Babe. There isn't anything there that will hurt her." He said calmly, but I heard tension in his voice.

"I know. I just don't like to see her scared."

"I don't, either. Lula wasn't meant for fear. It's not in her nature."

We stayed holding each other while Lula trooped across the ground. After a few minutes we heard her talk into her mic. "Okay, I'm at the door of the medical building. I'm opening. Holy motherfucker, it's dark in there. My flashlight barely makes a dent."

Her face was fearful across the screen, her eyes peering in the darkness.

"You got it, Babydoll." Tank spoke into his mic. "You want to go in and down the stairs in front of you."

"I know." She crept in. "It's just that-AHHHHH!" We all bolted upright. Lula was flailing her arms. "FUCK! Fucking spider web!" We all let out a breath. "Who the hell put a spider web there? That's bullshit! I'm under enough pressure here without no damn spider thinking he's a badass." Her tirade must have given her some courage because, with one last wipe of her face, she marched towards the stairs and started to descend. Her steps slowed as she neared the bottom.

"It's just so dark and quiet. And I can hear something scurrying."

I spoke up. "It's just mice, Lula. Little Rexes. You like Rex."

"Yeah, I do. But I like him where I can see him. Oh Lord, it's dark. I know I've had my share of doubting you in my life, Jesus, but if you finally want to send me that sign, right now would be a real good time. You know, something that involves a big light and maybe an Angel. Like that Michael dude. I always liked Michael."

Tank was studying the map. "Okay baby. Up ahead on the left should be lab #1. You just need to pop in there and get a reading. Piece of cake."

"Okay. Lord, the door is falling off the hinges. There's trash everywhere. Oh God! There's a big shape in the corner. I can't see what it is!" Her eyes were huge and we could tell she was backing away.

"Baby, it's probably just equipment. It isn't moving or making noise. Shine the light and tell me what you see."

"Okay. Oh God! It's a face and a bloody axe! Oh, no wait, it's a gurney. My mistake. Whoo! Let me get this reading." We hear the click of the device. "Oh, thank the Lord it's in the green. I'm getting out of here!" We heard her breathing rapidly as she made it out to the hall. "Where, Tank? Straight?"

"Yeah, up ahead to the left about four doors down is lab #4. If you get the reading there you can hit #3 last and come on back. You can skip #2."

Lula started walking again. "Damn, this is farther than I thought. I can't even see back the way I came."

"Don't look back, Lula." Ranger spoke, "Only look forward. It's easier."

"Yeah, well, forward sucks, too. Okay, here's the door." We could see her looking around the room. "I'm going to try it different this time. I got a strategy."

She scrunched her face, yelled 'AHHHHHHHH' and we heard her pounding steps as she ran into the room. She kept yelling as she took the reading like lightning and bolted back out of the room. She didn't stop yelling 'till she was back out in the hallway. "There! I did it! That had to be a record!"

Lester was laughing out loud. "Girl, that was awesome!"

"Yeah, now the freaks know where I am so they can go haunt some other spot. Oh. You don't think I actually pissed them off, do you?"

"No, girl. You told them which Bitch was boss."

"That's right. I'm the bitch."

Tank was smiling proudly at her image. "Just one more, baby. Down the hall a little further is a 'T'. You'll go right and lab #3 is on the left. Don't even look-just go right in and take the reading and pictures."

"Okay, I'm going. It sure is a long way. What if something is down the other hallway? Lord, it's confusing here. Okay, here's the 'T'." We could see her bend peering around the corner.

"Fuck me. Fuck me!"

"Almost there, baby. One more room."

"Yeah, but it's a fucked up room."

We heard her footsteps slow and stop. "Here it is. The door is totally intact and closed. That sucks. That's like kicking me when I'm down. I can't do my yell thing with a closed door. Hey! Maybe it will be locked and I can just go." We heard a jiggle and saw her wince. "Damn. It's unlocked."

We heard the door creak open and Lula's eyes darting back and forth. "Oh, now, this is just wrong. There's an old surgical table and a fucked up wheelchair in here. Tank, I don't know if I can go in." Her voice was quieter than it had been and it wavered.

"You're almost done. Keep going. Listen to me. I'll keep talking and you keep talking. You're so strong, baby." She began to move into the room.

We heard an audible 'click' and Lula jumped. "Oh God! The door shut behind me. Oh that is so wrong! Look, I get it, God. I'll go to church!"

"Just keep going, Lula. The door shuts on it's own." Ranger commanded.

His voice seemed to get through to her because she began sucking in air, open mouthed, and glanced around. "Oh Hell. Oh Jesus. I see the blood." We saw her raise the camera to her eye. It was shaking but we saw the flash go a couple times. "Now I'm going to do the reading." Her voice was shaking. We heard the clicks of the meter.

She froze and her mouth began working silently.

"Baby, what is it?"

"Oh no! Oh no. It's red." She whispered. "It's fucking red." Her eyes were looking shiny. "I have to get out of here."

"Go, baby. You're done. Just turn around and go out the door to the right. Then left at the 'T'. It's okay."

Lula didn't look like she was breathing. She was just staring down, frozen in place. "I don't think I can move."

Tank started to say something back when we heard a loud creaking noise.

"Oh God! What's that? It's coming from the hall. It's Jebediah! He's coming for me! Oh God!

We heard a rustling noise and we saw Lula's eyes swing around. Her face went rigid, mouth open in a frozen scream, eyes bugged out. She hung there for a second and then yelled loud and long.

"Oh no! Oh Lord Jesus, the wheelchair is moving! Oh God, help me!" We saw her moving frantically and suddenly heard clicks and thumps.

"It's locked! The door's locked! I'm trapped! Jesus help me! I'm in here with Jebediah! Tank! Tank! Help me! He's gonna get me! Tank!"

And that was enough for Tank. Ranger had been clutching his shoulder while we watched this play out, eyes glued to the screen. When she called his name he bolted. Alan, in an amazingly stupid move, jumped in front of him, blocking his progress.

"You can't go. If you go you forfeit the win. I want you to stop."

He no sooner finished the word 'stop' and he had four guns aimed at his face a foot from him.

Ranger looked at him calmly, his gun aimed steady. "Are you finished?"

Alan glanced down at his pants. "I think so. I didn't have to go too bad."

Tank took off with his gun out. "I'm coming, baby! I'm coming!" He was shouting into his mic. Lula was sobbing and banging on the door.

He must have been running for all he was worth because he announced his entry in to the building after only about a minute. We could hear him pounding down the stairs.

Bobby and Lester were poised by the monitor, Lester was trying to calm Lula down. Ranger had wrapped me in his arms. I was trying not to cry. Alan was on the phone, probably complaining about the guns or trying to get some new pants delivered.

"I'm in the hall! I'm in the hall, baby! I'm coming."

"Oh Please! Hurry!"

Ranger's grip tightened and he buried his face in my hair. Batman was used to being the action guy. He didn't wait well.

"I'm turning the corner. Here's the door. Can you hear me, baby?"

"I can hear you! God, Tank, get it open!"

"Stand back!"

We heard a huge crash and figured that was Tank kicking the door in. Or he could have just demolished the building. Either one.

Lula was sobbing. Her camera lost it's picture as she fell in Tank's arms.

"I've got you. I've got you. Come on." The rustling stopped for a moment and we heard Tank suck in a breath.

"The wheelchair just moved." He said quietly. We heard Lula moan. "I'm getting us out of here. Hold on, baby." We saw Lula's camera shift and could see her face buried in his shoulder, her eyes squeezed shut. He had picked her up and was hauling out of the building.

The four of us took off towards the medical unit and arrived just as Tank burst out of the door. He set her down and they clung to each other. We stopped a respectful distance away.

"I was so scared, Tank! And you came! Just like you said you would. You saved me!"

"I'll always save you. Not that you need it. You were so brave. I can't believe how brave you were."

"Oh God, I love you!"

"I love you, too, baby! I thought something was going to happen to you and I was so scared. My life flashed before my eyes. Baby, Lula, marry me. Please. Let me be there for you for the rest of our lives."

"Oh Lord. You better believe I'll marry you!" And they started kissing. Big, wet kissing that meant business.

Lester turned to Bobby. "Well, I don't think we're needed here! Come along, darling." They started walking back toward base.

I couldn't look away from Tank and Lula. It was a train wreck. But I could feel eyes on me. I turned to see Ranger watching me with an unreadable expression on his face. He reached out and pulled me to him, one arm around my waist, his other hand in my hair holding me against him. We stayed like that for a few minutes until I pulled back to look at him. He smiled and brushed a thumb across my cheek.

"I love you, Babe. More than you'll ever know." I felt my eyes tear up.

"I love you, too, Ranger." He kissed me softly and tugged me back towards base. He paused and turned towards Tank and Lula who were still trying to climb inside each other.

"Come on, kids, time to call it a night."

They broke apart and looked around like they didn't know where they were. Guess marriage was more important than Jebediah.

We walked back into base just as Bill was pulling up in a limo. He walked up to us, trying not to look around. Guess Alan may have been pissed about the guns.

"I heard you brought firearms in your possessions. I'm sorry but that is in violation of your contract and you lose the $10,000 finisher fee." We all just looked at him. He chanced a look at the building. "Well, I guess that's it. Excuse me for a sec." He turned and vomited into a bush.

"Oh now see that's disgusting, little man." Lula said, arms around Tank.

We picked up our things and walked back to the limo after waving goodbye to Alan and the camera crew. Alan had been hiding since he ratted us out.

We paused before getting in and took a last look at the asylum. The sky was beginning to turn a light gray.

"Well," Lester said, "that was definitely a Halloween to remember."

"Are you still going to air it?" I asked Bill.

"Oh Yeah. Despite your breach of contract, which can be edited, Alan said it's some of the best footage he's ever gotten. He said one of you guys actually screamed like a girl over a bat."

We all turned and looked at Bobby. "What! It was a freakin big bat! Every single one of you jerks would have yelled, too."

Lester gripped his shoulder. "Oh, no, Bobby. Not yelled. Screamed. Screamed like a little girlie in a pink dress."

Bobby puffed himself up and narrowed his eyes at Lester. He tried to stare him down for a few moments before he finally covered his face with his hands.

"I am never ever going to live this down. I might as well quit, Ranger. I'm ruined."

Ranger smiled at him. "Not _ruined_, Bobby. Of course you'll never live it down, but ABC Family is expanded cable and most of our skips can't afford that. You should be safe there. Unless they see it on YouTube when I put it on there." We all burst out laughing as Bobby threw himself in the limo. The rest followed until just Ranger and I were left looking at the asylum.

He slid an arm across my shoulder and pulled me into him.

"Babe. Promise me you will never let me sign us up for anything ever again when I'm stoned."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"Then I guess I won't mention you also signed you, me, Tank and Lula up for The Dating Game."

His body stilled as did his breathing. "Please tell me your joking."

"Maybe."

We watched the building another moment. It still looked horrifying in the twilight of dawn. "Were you scared, Ranger?"

"It takes more than an old building to scare me, Babe."

Just then there was shadowy movement in a window off to the right. Ranger jerked and tightened his grip.

"Well! Look at the time! Get in the limo, Babe."

I was asleep before we were even down the hill.

_The End_

_Happy Halloween, Babes! If you hear a bump in the night don't get excited. Ranger doesn't make any noise. It's probably Lester._

P.S.

I'm actually joking about The Dating Game. Ranger has his limits. He also threatened to stop visiting me in the middle of the night if I wrote it. And we can't have that.


End file.
